Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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