someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
