I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
