she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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