I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
