You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
