i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
