i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
