turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
