your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
