Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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