I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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