u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
