So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
