forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
