Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
