Already got asked if we're dating
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
