i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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