Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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