What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
