i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
