his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Welp...herpes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
