I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
