Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jerry, you need to find god
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
