there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
two words: eviction party
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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