I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
this is an emotional support booty call
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
