I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
