After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
