i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
