Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
