i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
