New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
