Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
