I'm going to jail i love you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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