My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
