id be glad to
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
