At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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