my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
