I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
