I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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