I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
