worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
