Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
