My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
