Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
