sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
