we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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