"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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