Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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