i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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