Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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