I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize