Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
