Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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