saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
