how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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