I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
