Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
