You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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