i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
