i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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