it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
