He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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