Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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