I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
