dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
