You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
