How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
