What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
