i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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