I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nobody cheats on THIS.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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