need another drink. this is the easiest way
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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