if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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