his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
