whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
