I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
