Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We were destined to go to rehab together
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
