I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
