Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize