We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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