she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
