I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
