why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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