i think my tv is drunk
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize