she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
