please come you make the beer taste better
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I sprained my soul last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
