I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
