you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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