If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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