I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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