My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
