You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
