i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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