She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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