my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
too bad you live with your parents still
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
