I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
