After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
