i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
