She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
