I murdered the dance floor call the cops
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
